We ordered in some Chinese delivery, and sat together at the dining table not really needing to talk to each other. We both tried to start a conversation once or twice. But those never got off the ground.I wanted to talk to her about my little crisis of conscience. She, of all people, should understand. But for some reason I couldn't bring it up. We just didn't really have that kind of relationship anymore.The next two days were more of the same. Ah, the stable rut of a pseudo-married relationship. There was nothing really new to find out about each other. But the lust was still there, so I at least got laid a couple more times.Andrea left Saturday morning for New Zealand. It was apparently the hottest new filming location, and the small project would only take a month. A month apart from each other, just like that. And George would be waiting for her, oozing charm out of his ears. I surmised that he would be nailing her inside of a week.The thrill, for each of us, of reconnecting. She needed separation. Otherwise how elsecould she figure out where she ended and other people began? And if thosepeople decided to leave, as, in her experience, they invariably did atsome point, they might take something of her with them that she couldn?tlive without.Like her heart, for instance.The problem wasn?t that she couldn't get close to people but that she hadsuch a need for love that she felt her own self could get swept away inthe rush of that need.She knew she had abandonment issues, how could she not, having been givenup for adoption as an infant. She hardly needed a shrink to tell herthat. Like duh-uh, you really think so, Dr. Gertzoff? Geez. It neverwould have occurred to me. You?re a genius. Please. The only thingtherapy had taught her was that it wasn't true that you could changesomething by talking about it, not even by understanding a problemclearly could you necessarily change it. The Dr. Gertzoffs of the worldseemed to think that if you could only see the problem.
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